Get Your Flu Shot Early This Year

Influenza is popping up in the schools already. This is a little bit scary because I’ve used my sick time for this year. I *might* start accruing it again by January.

This means that even if I’m leaving trails of snot and vomit wherever I go, I shall be at work. If I’ve contracted Ebola virus and am bleeding from my eyeballs, I shall be at work. I don’t know what the school board’s position would be on lycanthropy, but I’m sure it’s somewhere in the policy manual that I haven’t actually read. And it doesn’t involve mandatory sick leave. If it were up to me, lycanthropy would be a complete chapter, which is why it is not up to me. (Does anybody actually read their company’s policy manuals? Am I the only person that says “Why, uh, sure. I’ll read it. Yes, indeedy. All 3,472 pages including the sexual harassment section!” but, of course, the person handing it to me and I both know that I’m lyin’ my ass off. I wouldn’t read that sucker if I were getting paid for it, which I’m not.)

The downside, of course, of not actually reading the company manual about what is allowed and what ain’t is that when I get fired for showing up at work with bright pink hair with the ends dipped in violet, I won’t be able to draw unemployment. So I probably ought to make my last day really memorable and show up drunk and nekkid as well because it would be embarrassing to be fired for having pink hair.

I’m sure the official policy on lycanthropy would likely include getting a rabies shot on my own time because I have no sick days. Facial and bodily hair still must be neatly trimmed and not dyed unnatural shades such as pink, purple, green, or violet which can lead to termination, and professional clothing only, please. The excuse of “Well, there was a full moon, and the next thing I knew, I woke up in my truck this morning in the woods completely nekkid, so I just threw on the T-shirt and jeans that I keep in the toolbox for emergency use so’s I wouldn’t be late for work!” is not going to work on the principal. He or she has heard it WAAAY too many times from teachers AND students. If a teacher should happen to turn into a werewolf while at a school function such as a football game when there is a full moon (but please use good judgement on this), then they must use the appropriate facilities and not urinate on school property, students, or administration vehicles. Needless to say, dining on the losing team is not an option.

My union rep approached me today and said that we needed to talk about the union. You know, he’s absolutely right. I need to know whether the union will protect my job in the event of a bite by a werewolf. Otherwise, WTF would be the point in joining and paying dues? Oh, dang. I probably need to ask about vampire bites, too.

Three hours’ worth of sleep and double doses of medicine for cold and sinuses have my mind wandering in some strange places tonight. If I’ve missed some typos, sorry. Some of the words are comin’ out kinda backwards like because my fingers aren’t really synchronized.

Dangit, I forgot to feed the dog and cat. I’ve fed everybody else while it was still light outside. I just took my shower and don’t want to get dressed again *sigh*. I wonder if the neighbors are asleep and whether they’d notice me goin’ outside attired in evening casual of green bath towel while carryin’ a big old roast for Puppy? Okay, fine. Shorts and T-shirt it is.

And don’t forget that flu shot.

9 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    no2liberals said,

    No ma’am, don’t do flu shots…EVAH!

  2. 2

    swampie said,

    Oh, well, hell, you aren’t exposed to the concentrated germ factory that school kids creates, either. You probably safe. Even WITH the flu vaccine, I ain’t. It just makes it a little shorter duration.

    • 3

      kcduffy said,

      I’m not in the demographic to need one, I don’t think, but Duffy ought to – he’s around a lot more of the sick public than I am. Target gives ‘em free to Tricare members, and we are that…

    • 4

      no2liberals said,

      Wouldn’t matter.
      I don’t EVAH~NEVAH get flu shots. Last one was 38 years ago and I’m in and out of airports every week.

      • 5

        swampie said,

        AHA! Another clue as to your profession. Hmmmmm. Professional luggage grabber? Professional groper (aka TSA)?

      • 6

        no2liberals said,

        Told ya’ before, sole proprietor, not a union goon or gubmint employee.
        And I don’t let them inject me with poison either.

      • 7

        kcduffy said,

        no2liberals reminds me…when I was in hospital after giving birth to Lovely Daughter, they wouldn’t release me till I had a rubella shot. So they did, and off I went, home with my new bundle of joy…whose daddy had to do most of the work for the next 5 days cuz I was sick as I’d ever been! And I was breastfeeding, so it was more distressing than it would have been otherwise…

        So I think I’ll follow the plan I’ve always used – avoidance…not of sick people, but of that damn ‘solution.’

      • 8

        no2liberals said,

        kc, the sickest I’ve ever been was after the one and only flu shot I ever had. Death would have been a blessing and a welcome relief.
        I’ve had brief illnesses since then, nothing that lasted for long, so they can keep their poison, thank you.
        I can’t imagine being deathly ill and attempting to care for a newborn.

  3. 9

    Jenny Haines said,

    Kids got theirs the other day. I let them choose either the flu mist or the injection. Jacob said- I want the shot! Dylan wanted the mist. Zoe didn’t get a choice- she had the shot as well- next year she can have the mist. Now I am just waiting on the work field trip to downtown to get a free one as well. But glad we started early since its already going around and Zoe already has the green snots from daycare. Hope she doesn’t get any worse.


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