Archive for March 7, 2008

“I don’t WANT to get married!”

Jacob told his mommy he wanted to talk to MeeMaw.  “MeeMaw’s not home”, she told him.  He wanted to know where his MeeMaw was.  (MeeMaws are not supposed to leave the house to do mundane things like go to work with the only exception being when they are on the way to pick up grandchildren or buy presents. Everybody knows that.)  

“MeeMaw is out buying a present!” mommy told him. 

“A present?  Why MeeMaw buying a present?” asked Jake.  The only possible answer would be that MeeMaw is out buying a present for him.

“Because we’re going to a party tomorrow, and we have to bring presents!” answered mommy.

Jacob was still puzzled.  “MeeMaw going to party too?  She bring presents for me?”

Mommy explained that we were going to bring presents for the people that were getting married tomorrow, at which point Jacob started crying inconsolably.   

“Jacob, what is wrong with you?”

“But I don’t WANT to get married!” wailed Jacob.

Jacob called later and told me that he wanted new shoes with lights that flash. 

“So you want me to get you flashing shoes, is that right?” 

“Yes!  And MeeMaw, I going to stay with Poppa, and we eat ice cream and cookies, okay?  We not go to party, okay?” 

Three years old, and ready to be a committed bachelor just like his Poppa.


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Remodeled Grocery Store Blues

After squishing through the mud and standing water to feed the livestock, it was finally time to feed me and the SwampMan and way, way past time to go to the grocery store.   I was soaking wet with hay stuck all over my jacket, hair dripping under the feed store cap, and boots with that eau de barnyard aroma.   What the heck, it’s Friday night and everybody I know should be eating out anyway.

The store is a mess.  They’re gutting the place for remodeling but remaining open during the process.  I thought that they were maybe getting a few new fixtures, perhaps replacing the floor tiles for something that matched, but….walking through the produce section heralds the changes to come.  Everything is “organic”.  And expensive.   There were baby organically grown squash for $6.00 a pound in tasteful fixtures under dramatic lighting, apparently so that I wouldn’t stop to think “why the hell would I be paying $6.00 a pound for damn squash?”  There were lots of Asian veggies and noodles and tofu by the pound.  I furtively glanced around at my fellow shoppers to see if any o’ them were rushing in to pick up the tofu or the meatless soy “hamburger”.  They were gazing at the new produce displays like they would look at fragile objects with a “you break, you buy” sign next to them; i.e., from a safe distance.  I didn’t see any $6.00 a lb. baby squash being taken home to dinner.  

Apparently slicing watermelon in half or ordinary slices is not good enough; the watermelon were cut into isosceles trapezoids and displayed.  Now I’m going to feel all inadequate if I just hack the melon in two with a cleaver. 

I decided to pass on the $4.00 per pound green beans as well.  Wait until I tell mom that the green beans that she gives away to the neighbors are far superior to the supermarket’s $4.00 a pound varieties.  She might go ahead and put in a couple acres worth and sell hers for $3 a pound to supplement her retirement check.

I ended up with a loaf of fresh-baked Italian bread, cheese, various varieties of  genoa salami and pepperoni from the deli, artichoke hearts, hearts of palm, and Greek salad peppers to make open-faced sandwiches under the broiler so the cheese would be all nice and melty, and then layer the marinated artichoke hearts, hearts of palm, and Greek salad peppers to taste.   It wasn’t trendy, organic, nor low fat, but it was quick and tasty comfort food on a rainy evening.

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