Archive for May 22, 2009

Florida, the Sunshine State, Needs to Be Changed to Florida, the State of Emergency

I called SwampMan on the way home from work.

“Hey, you gonna come home on time tonight?” As the school year wraps up, SwampMan is busy helping kids finish projects, grading, etc. Sometimes he doesn’t make it home until sevenish.

“Any particular reason why I need to come home on time?” he asked cautiously, as though he were afraid that I was going to announce that I’d decided to change careers, and I needed to practice Brazilian waxing on him. And maybe paint his toenails pink. But only if he was home early.

“All of my books were due on May 20. It is May 22. I’d like to turn them in before the Jacksonville library puts a lien on the house, and I thought you might like to ride along.”

“Yeah, I’ll be home in about half an hour”, he said, relief evident in his voice. “I want to stop by Home Depot anyway so we can get some wire to enclose your damn chickens.”

Great! That gave me just enough time to hide my latest livestock purchases, some newly hatched Aracauna chicks, in plain sight in a brooder. He can’t tell the difference between my mongrel chicks hatching out of the incubator in a rainbow of colors and sizes and the purebred chicks I buy that are of uniform size and color. As a matter of fact, he doesn’t look at ANY of my livestock. He MIGHT notice if I acquired something like ostriches, but only if they pooped on his truck. While squatting on the hood.

So, the nearest library being on the northside, we stopped to drop off books and pay fines, went to Home Depot, found the wire wasn’t where we expected and, in that particular store, was on the opposite side. We looked at each other and simultaneously decided that the wire could wait for another day.

On the way out, I wanted to stop at the Walmart across the street for a bicycle tire, but police were blocking the entrance to the parking lot, and a crowd of people were lined up across the street looking over in Walmart’s direction. They had name tags on, so I suppose they were probably Walmart employees. Guess that bicycle tire could wait for another day, too.

We listened to the news on the way home to find out why the Walmart parking lot entrance was blocked by police with flashing lights. Nothing. We checked the news websites. Nada damn thing. Must be a Homeland Security operation. Maybe Walmart has acquired nuclear weapons in order to ensure that their suppliers keep their prices low.

I DID learn that we are currently in a state of emergency due to flooding, and old farts can get free sandbags in my county. (If you are old enough to qualify for free sandbags, are you going to be strong enough to build a dike?) Anyway, my area of Florida has gotten between 12″ and 18″ since Sunday, with more on the way. Bunnell has received 26.7″ of rain since Sunday (with more falling).

I’m glad that we finally got some rain, but I really would like our rain to be scattered a bit more so that we get an inch or three every week, instead of having all our water delivered in 2 or 3 giant deluges. However, if mother nature insists, we’ll take the water however we can get it.


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