Archive for February 24, 2010

Burnin’ the Midnight–er, Something

SwampMan and I have been doing a lot of running around town after work picking up stuff for (his) work, usually getting in just in time to go to sleep (him), and feed an hour or two before going to sleep (me). The livestock aren’t suffering from neglect but I HAVE forgotten to give puppy his heartworm tablet. D’OH! I forgot to renew my vehicle tag, too, but I still have a few more days before I become a flaming scofflaw. So, how am I juggling all this crap?

Uh, don’t look at the state of my house. The vacuum cleaner thinks it has been abandoned. The mop is crying out for water. I think I’ve created life in the back of the refrigerator, and I’m kinda skeered to open the door. If a guest would be foolish brave enough to enter the living room, they would have to wait until I removed the underwear waiting to be folded from the sofa before they could be seated. Since we haven’t been home TO fold the underwear, though, that hasn’t been an issue. Yet. The Church People have been dropping by to visit me to check on the state of my soul (kinda murky around the edges, thanks for your concern!) and have (luckily?) missed seeing me. I hope they can continue to miss me until I can wrestle the laundry monster under control, and then maybe slay some dust bunnies.

SwampMan doesn’t feel that anybody should be poking their noses into his bidness anyway, and he doesn’t even bother to answer the door, let alone invite visitors inside. Visitors would be lucky if he were even WEARING underwear after his shower on account of the underwear (and probably the towels as well) would be in on that sofa with the guests. (Damnit, SwampMan, quit dripping on the carpet! Oh, now, look at that. The Church Ladies knocked the gate down on their way out the driveway!) He, of course, feels no sense of embarrassment because he’s been too busy to clean the house. He has delegated that part of married life to me. Along with cooking, routine house maintenance like painting, raking, trimming, planting, pet care, livestock care, etc.

I am TIRED. I’m going to have to cut back on either the livestock, the hobbies, helping SwampMan, or work. Cutting back on work seems like the thing to do but that’s only because I have a new egg-sized purple bruise/welt on my brachioradialis from a bite, as well as a bite on my trapezius. SwampMan points out that, if I were to stop working in the school system, I would no longer have insurance, and I’m not a spring chicken. (Hmmmmm. Better not kill SwampMan as his salary is much higher than mine….) I point out to SwampMan that if I were not working in the school system, I wouldn’t NEED insurance!

Maybe I could start a new magazine called “Bad Housekeeping” in the meantime as our house will continue to suffer with empty promises of a deep cleaning that will happen one day. Eventually. Maybe. Sometime after the potatoes have been planted (which may not happen until next winter because the garden has been too wet to plant potatoes this winter). So, anybody out there want to make a true confession about how long it has been since the sills were cleaned of stray fly legs, and what year the fridge was last cleaned? Yeah, me neither.

Beside the comfy chair, waiting to be read:  Obamanomics by Timothy Carney,  Sweet Potato Queens’ Field Guide to Men, a couple of E-business books, an exercise book (sigh), J.A. Jance’s Trial by Fire , U.S. Army Survival Handbook, and James Wesley Rawles’  How to Survive the End of the World as We Know It.

It’s time to jump into the shower (5 a.m. comes waaaaay too damn early) and then read heartwarming stories of survival about bludgeoning the neighbors with rocks or stabbing them with pointy sticks. Just kidding, neighbors! We don’t have any rocks! We’d have to use chunks of concrete if we wanted to get an aerobic workout; otherwise, we’d use shotguns.

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