Bucket List

I’ve gotten so caught up in the sheer drudgery of day-to-day existence in a bureaucracy and the endless maintenance chores at home that something has gone missing from my life. I wasn’t even aware of it until I filled out one of the health questionnaires at the in-house health screening. It asked questions like “how much stress do you feel daily in your job?” Well, considering that being kicked, slapped, having a chair or desk hurled at my head, or being bitten is pretty much a daily occurrence, I’d have to say that my stress level at work is pretty darned high.

Ah, but home life is pretty stress free and makes up for it, right? I’d have to say that right now home life is pretty stressful, too. The livestock part is completely self inflicted, of course, but that part is relaxing for me. Some of it is out of my control, like the economy and family health problems. I don’t really have any time left over for friends. No meeting people to catch up over lunch. No idle conversations about nothing except for touching base over the phone….if you need to talk to me, you better get to the point immediately.

I miss having friends.

I miss waking up in the morning and having a day free to do whatever I want.

I miss looking forward to working every day instead of enduring until the weekend.

My mom’s list of things that she wanted to do once she had time has been cut short by the rigors of cancer, rheumatoid arthritis, and taking care of an invalid husband. It is all she can do to get through the day. Everything that she used to do that brought her joy has been sacrificed.

I’ve often thought that if I were to be diagnosed with a life-threatening illness, that is when I’d do all the things that I wanted to do before I died. I’d drop everything else, all the petty annoyances of everyday life, and just enjoy what time is left. Of course, people with life-threatening illnesses that want actual medical treatment are going to have to continue with their jobs that provide medical insurance. People with life-threatening illnesses don’t really have the energy left to do anything much beyond the activities of daily living ensuring surviving from day to day. Things like sitting in the sun rocking on the porch that used to be incredibly boring now become the high points of the day when pain is temporarily at bay.

If I’m going to do things that I really want to do before I die, I better do them before what remaining energy and enthusiasm have been drained from my body.

Right now, though, I can’t really think of anything. Sitting in a rocking chair on the porch in the sun, rocking, suits me just fine.

Maybe the *very* first thing on my bucket list should be a starting on a *really* high dose of antidepressants.


6 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    Duffy said,

    May not seem like it, but you do have friends. We don’t invite just anyone to Thanksgiving dinner, you know. Best wishes for a wonderful Christmas, Swampie, may God bless you and yours.

  2. 2

    no2liberals said,

    Seeing those white flakes on the screen are going to force me to take antidepressants.

  3. 3

    swampie said,

    HEY! Sympathetic magic, dude. The grandkids ain’t never seen snow.

  4. 6

    ligneus said,

    Don’t take anti-depressants, they make you fat, which could be pretty depressing.

    I hope hyperlinks work here. If not: http://www.psychiatry.info/psychiatrists-in-the-news/antidepressants-can-make-you-fat/

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