That’s what SwampMan told me when I wanted to go gift shopping last night for a birthday party happening today. I insisted. He resisted. He eventually accompanied me on the grounds that I must not wander alone at night with only his checkbook for company (my account, alas, is drained as usual). “I dunno what’s wrong with you and why you are being so stubborn!” he said. “You’ll have plenty of time in the morning!”
Well. I was awakened this morning by son calling, worried because he couldn’t reach me last night. “Um, well sometimes we DO go out at night!” I assured him. “I think we’re old enough now.”
“I need you take care of Arizona for me so I can get the decorations up! It IS a surprise party, after all.” Oh my. It IS? I looked around my house. Total disaster, as usual. I was gonna clean it this morning before the party. Heh. At least my birthday shopping was done!
“Can you give me ten minutes? I’d kinda like to brush my teeth and take a shower!”
“Sure! We’ll go into town and grab some breakfast first.”
By the time I was minimally presentable (i.e. clean body, clothes and fresh breath), they were here with breakfast for me and SwampMan. A bacon, egg and cheese biscuit from Hardees for me, and a steak biscuit for SwampMan. I’d never had one before, so my fast food education was sadly lacking. That sucker was good! Something tells me that my vehicle may start veering toward Hardees on my way to work in the morning. Must. Resist. Temptation.
I particularly better resist temptation because, well, remember the used treadmill that I was going to get? Daughter purchased it for me during the week, and I was going to pick it up and pay for it over the weekend. Daughter liked it so much that she’s gonna keep it. Ohmygawd! I may have to start eating lettuce leaves without dressing and crap like that.
If she really likes it, I probably wouldn’t have. I (used to) really like walking and hiking outside. She never did. Oh, sure, she would occasionally accompany me on some walks or hikes, but not willingly. I kinda did some bait and switching. “Hey, let’s go to the beach! And while we’re there, we’ll climb around Fort Clinch. Oooooh, a nature trail! Let’s see where it goes!” We went on a nature trail at Fort Clinch just once when she was a teen. I thought it was beautiful, but it was a little long, and we got a little lost, and it was getting near sundown when the park closed for the night. If you have never heard a nonstop creative litany of all the horrible things that were going to happen to us because we were like totally lost on a nature trail (in Fernandina!) and it was all my fault for dragging her out into the wilderness, well, you’re lucky! I think the best thing was being eaten by alligators after we’d been exsanguinated by mosquitos and our eyeballs sucked out by crabs or spiders or something. And we weren’t on the human trail anymore. We were probably following an alligator trail or a deer trail. They’d have to look in the skies and see where the vultures were to find our bones after the vultures ate us. If anybody were looking for us. Which they weren’t. Because nobody in their right mind leaves a perfectly good truck parked beside the road to take their daughter out into the wilderness where they could be eaten by vultures. And alligators. And bears.
She really should have been an author!
I think that was the last time I ever attempted to take her anywhere that wasn’t a movie theater, restaurant, the beach, or shopping center. It may have been the last time I went hiking! But I am content. She has a daughter now. Who will one day be a teenager.