I Guess I Don’t Look Like Santa Claus

It was fajita night tonight at Casa de Swamp. Unfortunately for SwampMan, but fortunately for the livestock, this means that SwampMan had to wait to go out to eat until I fed most of the livestock, stopped to get gas using his debit card, and then a stop at the feed store before we were able to meet and eat at our local Mexican restaurant.

We walked out of the restaurant together in the dark, then separated to walk to our vehicles. I saw a bicyclist in the parking lot and figured him for a panhandler. I was mildly curious as to which one he would choose to hit up for money. He correctly followed SwampMan to his vehicle. I switched my vehicle on and watched just in case he made any threatening moves on SwampMan on account of I don’t believe in bothering God for divine retribution. (S)He’s got enough other stuff on Her (or His) mind. If retribution is needed, I’ll do it myself.

Anyway, when the bicyclist rode away, I was curious as to what story he gave SwampMan and rode over and asked him. “He said he was deaf!” SwampMan explained.

“Say what?” I asked.

“He held up a sign and that said he was deaf. He wiggled his fingers around, too.”

“Riiight!” I said. “Remember the sign for bullshit?”

“No, really!” he insisted. “How do you say ‘thank you’?” I signed “thank you”.

“See! That’s just how he did it! He really IS deaf!”

I sighed. “Uh, I’m not deaf, and I know how to sign it!”

“You know what? I don’t even care. He wanted $2 for the bus….”

“Uh, what bus? There’s no bus that comes through here!”

“I wondered about that. Besides, he said it was his birthday. What would you have done?”

I sighed. “Baby, I think that’s why you’re gonna go to heaven, and I’m gonna be at least a minor bureaucrat in hell.” It’s also the reason why, when we had a business, the folks that got tossed in jail called SwampMan, not me, to bail ’em out and lend ’em money.

5 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    jendaisy said,

    Tell swampdad that I’m not deaf, its not my birthday, but I can wiggle my fingers and sign “bleep you” in sign language…. Can I have $2 to buy a hamburger cause this whole diet thing is killing me!! Plus a couple more cute pics of Zoe on FB…

    • 2

      swampie said,

      I’d love to see the cute pics, but I don’t remember your email address to sign in with. Oh, snap.

      You know SwampDad gave him more than $2.00. After all, it was his birthday.

  2. 4

    kcduffy said,

    Nope. YOU don’t look like Santa – SwampMan, on the other hand… 😀

    • 5

      swampie said,

      Yep. Lil’ kids eyes get real big when they see him in Home Depot this time of year…..he looks at them and asks if they’ve been good this year, and quietly says ho ho ho.

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