Tiptoeing Through the House

SwampMan came home last night and called while he was outside the gate. “You ready to go out to eat?” he demanded crossly. “I want to go get some Mexican food.”

“Uh, NO. I just got home and am changing into my feeding clothes. I couldn’t possibly go now, maybe later. Besides, it’s not Mexican food night.”

“I want to go NOW. I’m hungry NOW.”

“Go ahead, then!”

He came grumping into the house and slammed the door. “What’s wrong?” I asked curiously, refraining from adding “You grumpy old fart!” on account of that might be considered an inflammatory remark by grumpy old farts.

“I’m SICK, damnit, and YOU GAVE IT TO ME!”

“What? I’m not sick!”

“You took an antihistamine over the weekend!”

“Yeah, because the smoke from the fires burning got to my sinuses and I was miserable!” My husband is soooooo observant. “Do I LOOK sick? Do I SOUND sick? DO I ACT sick?”

“Well, then, if you didn’t give it to me, WHO DID?” he demanded. Gaaaaah. Nice to see that reason was working.

“Hello. You work in a SCHOOL!”

“Well, I’m hungry, and I want to eat and go to bed! What’s for dinner?”


“When will it be done?”

“Well, considering that my transporter unit isn’t working so I had to actually drive home, it will be ready after I cook it.”

“When will THAT be?”

“After I get the livestock feeding done.”

“FINE! I’m going to Wendy’s and get some chili.” Out he stomped. I did the feeding. He procured and ate his chili. Then he took his grumpy butt off to bed.

Tonight was a rerun of last night, except he stomped in after already procuring the chili. Oh, yeah, and he inquired about my health, suspiciously not solicitously, because he STILL thinks that I made him sick. Since he wasn’t eating at home last night, I didn’t make the meatloaf just for me. I ate a boiled egg and some left over green peas. For dinner tonight, I had another boiled egg and the rest of the left over green peas. Maybe the thing that’s making me fat isn’t the carbohydrates AFTER all. He was in bed asleep before I came in at 6:30.

I’m dealing quite well with not cooking, not vacuuming, and not washing dishes or making a lot of noise, and watching anything I want on t.v. I’m very sad, of course, that my husband is feeling ill, and hope he gets better and feels more cheerful soon. I’m sure he’ll feel more cheerful just as soon as I show signs of starting to feel under the weather! I kinda look forward to it. I’m going to act JUST LIKE HIM this time.


1 Response so far »

  1. 1

    kcduffy said,

    Feel better! Or worse? Or…oh, nevermind. I like Wendy’s chili, a small fries & a small ceasar salad. Yum. Do they still have the hot stuff to add to it?

    Well, shoot, now I’m hungry, so better find something to eat before the ol man gets up.

    Feel better! Or not! Both of you! 8)

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