SwampMan asked me today if I knew why mud was thrown all over his truck.
“Um, say what?”
“It looks like my truck has been driven through some deep mud, and you know it wasn’t raining yesterday.”
“It wasn’t raining today, either, except for a little mist.”
“So why is there water all over the driveway?”
“I dunno. I didn’t have the water on.”
“Well, there’s water in the front yard!”
“Yes, I know. I thought it might be better, in the name of neighborhood relations, to have the ducks bathing in water in the front yard rather than pooping in area swimming pools. I’ve had the hose trickling for over a week now.”
“But what about my truck?”
“WHat ABOUT your truck?”
“How’d it get mud on it?”
“So are you saying that you believe that the only time I was outside this morning, @ 6:20 a.m. when I went out to open the gate for Jenny and feed the horse, sheep, ducks, and chickens, I decided to fling mud on your truck? Is this what you’re saying?”
“Well, somebody had to turn the water on…there was water all over the driveway!”
My eyes were rolled so far back that I ’bout had to slap myself in the back of my head to knock ’em loose enough to see forward again.
“So, you think that I decided to turn on the water in the dark, hunh? Perhaps I didn’t notice the water when I walked up the driveway to open the gate, hunh? I was so deeply concentrating on walking up the driveway that I didn’t notice something like my feet being under water.”
“Well, how else did the water get on!” he accused suspiciously.
Well, dang. There go my eyes rolling back again. “Maybe the dog brushed against it and turned it. Are there dog footprints on the truck?” I asked, preparing to go outside and look.
“The water wasn’t on! The dog wouldn’t have turned the water off! Besides, the truck is clean. Dylan and Jacob cleaned all the mud off really nicely. They worked hard. Then I took them to pick up an ice cream Sundae for their reward for helping so much.”
Dang! There go my eyes again.
“Did it ever occur to you”, I asked, speaking through clenched teeth much like those Yankees do up around Baltimore, “That the reason that the boys were so cooperative was that they got the mud on your truck? I imagine that if they were playing outside (which they were) and turned the water on, jumping in the mud that it created would be pretty irresistible.”
SwampMan was astounded. “I never thought of them!”
I’m not sure whether to be pleased or horrified about that statement.