Archive for January 22, 2012

You Think I Did WHAT Again?

SwampMan asked me today if I knew why mud was thrown all over his truck.

“Um, say what?”

“It looks like my truck has been driven through some deep mud, and you know it wasn’t raining yesterday.”

“It wasn’t raining today, either, except for a little mist.”

“So why is there water all over the driveway?”

“I dunno. I didn’t have the water on.”

“Well, there’s water in the front yard!”

“Yes, I know. I thought it might be better, in the name of neighborhood relations, to have the ducks bathing in water in the front yard rather than pooping in area swimming pools. I’ve had the hose trickling for over a week now.”

“But what about my truck?”

“WHat ABOUT your truck?”

“How’d it get mud on it?”

“So are you saying that you believe that the only time I was outside this morning, @ 6:20 a.m. when I went out to open the gate for Jenny and feed the horse, sheep, ducks, and chickens, I decided to fling mud on your truck? Is this what you’re saying?”

“Well, somebody had to turn the water on…there was water all over the driveway!”

My eyes were rolled so far back that I ’bout had to slap myself in the back of my head to knock ’em loose enough to see forward again.

“So, you think that I decided to turn on the water in the dark, hunh? Perhaps I didn’t notice the water when I walked up the driveway to open the gate, hunh? I was so deeply concentrating on walking up the driveway that I didn’t notice something like my feet being under water.”

“Well, how else did the water get on!” he accused suspiciously.

Well, dang. There go my eyes rolling back again. “Maybe the dog brushed against it and turned it. Are there dog footprints on the truck?” I asked, preparing to go outside and look.

“The water wasn’t on! The dog wouldn’t have turned the water off! Besides, the truck is clean. Dylan and Jacob cleaned all the mud off really nicely. They worked hard. Then I took them to pick up an ice cream Sundae for their reward for helping so much.”

Dang! There go my eyes again.

“Did it ever occur to you”, I asked, speaking through clenched teeth much like those Yankees do up around Baltimore, “That the reason that the boys were so cooperative was that they got the mud on your truck? I imagine that if they were playing outside (which they were) and turned the water on, jumping in the mud that it created would be pretty irresistible.”

SwampMan was astounded. “I never thought of them!”

I’m not sure whether to be pleased or horrified about that statement.


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We’re WAAAAY Overdue for Naptime

I am, that is. The kids are holding up JUST fine!

Mommy left for work about 6:20 this morning. I thought she was leaving at 7:20 and had planned to fix her breakfast before she went, but I was too late! Dylan and Jacob had a couple of those small snack bags of chips before first breakfast. No, I did not worry about them ruining their appetite for breakfast!

First breakfast was pretty simple, oatmeal with brown sugar and cinnamon, for main breakfast is always when Papa gets up. Dylan announced that he did NOT like oatmeal. “You will like the way I fixed it!” I assured him. “No, I will not like it! You put things like baby powder and seahorse droppings in it!” I assured him that while I certainly had things like powdered babies in the pantry, I could not possibly have put seahorse droppings in it as we do not have any seahorses and, if he wanted any more food today like delicious cookies, he was going to eat his oatmeal. He did. He said it was pretty tasty despite the baby powder and seahorse droppings. Hmmmmmm. I checked the table and under the table and tablecloth and didn’t find any hidden oatmeal, so perhaps he did. Or perhaps I’ll find it later. MUCH later.

Zoe drank formula and had oatmeal, then some finger foods of diced bananas and blueberries. She’s pretty easy to please. If there are any dried frogs or dessicated spiders or expired flies on the floor, she would happily dine on them, along with anything her brothers drop on the floor. Yikes. MeeMaw runs the vacuum cleaner daily when she’s here but that still isn’t enough. Little feet track leaves and all sorts of things into the house in between vacuuming!

When Papa woke up, I headed for the store to purchase more milk (a gallon for two days was NOT adequate, go figure!), more YooHoo drinks (a 12-pack for two days was not enough, either), and more formula for Zoe as she had gone through a 2-day supply in one day. I suppose she’s still making up for not eating for three days when she was ill.

When I came back, I cooked bratwurst patties and cheese grits for Papa and for the boys for second breakfast. I got some grief over the grits. “We don’t like grits!” “You’ll like ’em the way I fix ’em.” They were gone, so perhaps they ate them. Or perhaps they have a new hiding place that I ain’t found yet. I’d watch ’em carefully at lunch, but I think they’ll like lunch. Zoe got more finger foods of Cheerios, diced tangerines, and watermelon.

In between cooking, I participated in two games of hockey on the kitchen floor with Dylan, and both boys are playing now. Zoe was behind me when she was the goalpost but prudently retreated out of the line of fire once Jacob and Dylan took the field floor. She’s tough for being so tiny! With two older brothers, I suppose she has to be. It is hard to believe that she’ll be one year old in a month. She snitched a chocolate cookie and quietly devoured it on the ivory-colored carpet in the living room. Curse you, white carpet!

I told Dylan that when he gets older, his friends are going to be coming to his house to see his little sister, not him. “No they won’t!” he confidently assured me. “Why not?” “Because she’s a really bad dancer!”

The boys had a good time outside yesterday which is a good thing since it’s drizzly and overcast outside today. They got to pull the trigger on a 12-gauge with papa steadying. Jacob got a bruise on his hip which he said was well worth it. They’re getting a bit too rowdy in the house now. Dylan yelled out “MeeMaw, I hit Jacob in the balls!” “HEY, we do not talk like that in this house!” I replied. “Okay!” he yelled back. “MeeMaw, I hit Jacob in the sheep fries!” Papa was very pleased with Dylan’s quickness with a comeback, because he’s the one who told Dylan what sheep fries were to begin with. You know what? A little rain ain’t gonna hurt ’em. They need to go outside now. Papa, too.

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