I Just Don’t Bounce Like I Used To

SwampMan made a new square pen for housing chicks or ducklings so that they will be safe from predators. SwampMan made it for me because he likes to vastly overbuild projects. He finds that my building is more of the half vast variety because I take shortcuts. How many shortcuts? As many shortcuts as possible. I don’t always measure twice and cut once. Sometimes I just eyeball things and don’t measure at all, but I better not tell him that.

Have you ever watched Mike Holmes? Yeah, that’s how SwampMan is about freakin’ chicken pens, fer cryin’ out loud. Imagine SwampMan yelling things like “How in the world do you expect this to hold up over time?” and me saying “I just want it for the summer, damn it!” It isn’t like I’m going to will my heavyass chicken pens to my heirs or anything. I’m pretty sure my heirs will probably turn all my chickens into chicken and dumplings, chicken and rice, chicken fajitas….well. You get the picture. They won’t have any use for my pens, so why build them to last 100 years?

Anyway, SwampMan was helping me move this great heavy pen that I couldn’t carry by myself although in the future (the future being tomorrow) I’m gonna have to. He asked how far I was going, and I told him this was far enough, I’d just drag it down the sidewalk by myself to where I wanted it. He said “Okay, you put your end down first!” which I did. However, he started rolling the pen over on top of me. He went right over the top of my feet, trapping them, then up my shins. He finally figured out something was wrong AFTER I fell over backwards flat on my back on the concrete sidewalk, using language that was probably inappropriate given the tender age of the chicks and ducklings that heard it. He said he had his glasses on and I was too close to him for him to see me. Or something to that effect.

You’d think that the screaming would alert him, but he always says I’m too excitable and tends to ignore things I scream like “WATCH OUT! YOU’RE RUNNING OVER MY FEET!” He also ignores things like “Look OUT! You’re about to back up into the gate!” and “Watch out! The fence is right in front of you!”

This not being able to see things that are too close to him does have its good points, of course. He tells me that I look just as beautiful as when I was a teenager. Yep, people that are totally out of focus and blurry probably would look the same. My blurriness takes up a much bigger area now than when I was a teen, though.

My back is not happy. That is DEFINITELY gonna leave a mark tomorrow.

One more thing about the difference between MY chicken pens and SwampMan’s chicken pens. I leave room for taking the chickens OUT when they grow up and need to move to adult quarters (like into a movable adult pen or the freezer). SwampMan does NOT.

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