The Sweet Tea Diet

This is the first time in three days that I’ve been awake for more than an hour or two at a time! I’m pretty sure now that I had a “flu” attack. The symptoms fit. I started with a dry cough out of the blue, so to speak, Friday afternoon which I attributed to pollen. I felt fine all day, but a little tired toward the end of the workday. By Friday night, I was sore all over and felt fairly horrid. By Saturday, I was so tired I could barely function and had a high fever. I’m just glad I had my flu shot this year because it could have been worse!

This morning, I dreamed that I was speaking with a coworker. I told him that I wasn’t really there, because I was really at home asleep. He told me that “No, I really WAS there.” I looked down at my fawn-colored dress and bright orange high-heeled shoes, and concluded that I must be there after all. I pinched myself (in my dream) to make sure I was really there, and it hurt! Then we started a debate about what constituted reality. I dunno what the answer was, for SwampMan woke me up to apologize for waking me up, but he couldn’t reach anybody at my workplace to tell them I wouldn’t be there, and he had to leave for work. I would have liked to have known the answer to that question because I haven’t had that dress for YEARS and I don’t think I ever had a pair of orange high-heeled shoes, and the dress and shoes were perfect together. Why didn’t I know that before?

The good part about the flu is that I have no appetite whatsoever and am happy just drinking sweet tea. I figured that since my physical activity was nil, I probably gained weight during that time, but a check on the scale revealed that I was down 5 lbs. Woohoo!

So there you have it. You can lose five pounds in three days on the flu and sweet tea diet. (The sweet tea came from McDonald’s courtesy of SwampMan, who kept me well supplied. I wasn’t up to even boiling water for the past few days.)

Maybe I should write a diet book and/or go out into public and spread my virus around. On the other hand, a primo appetite-destroying virus with the side effect of strange, vivid dreams like this shouldn’t be spread about for free. I should at least charge as much as a movie admission with a Coke and small popcorn. Grin. Unfortunately, I know that as soon as the viral effects wear off, I’ll be back to eating Greek yogurt for breakfast and salads with gluten-free dressing and boiled eggs for lunch again.

Oh, by the way, if you take gauaifenesin tablets to keep bronchitis and pneumonia at bay, which I have been doing, never EVER pop a pill without checking to see if your sweet tea in the McDonald’s cup in the fridge is full or empty. That pill is some nasty-tasting shit and if you suck up a big old strawful of nothing in an attempt to swallow that huge nasty tasting pill, you could have some unfortunate sequelae.


6 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    kcduffy said,

    I’m so glad you’re feeling better! I’m in a Facebook Group that has lots of ladies trying to lose weight. One of these broads is on a ‘cleansing’ regimen so her new raw diet will work (what?). Lemonade & cayenne. Another woman decided to give it a try, made it a day and a half – no energy, too much time in the head (she’s a full-time waitress & student), woozy…so THANKFULLY she quit that one – and yes, the guy who developed it makes money on it, so you might just have something there…

    I don’t boil my tea – I leave it on the front step & it makes itself without heating up the house. Been making decaf, and LOVING IT the last couple days.

    Gotta go buy the ol man a new dress shirt – he has a job interview Wednesday!

    Take care.

    • 2

      swampie said,

      Congratulations on the job interview!

      Yeah, lots of folks where I work have been doing strange (well, strange to me) things about losing weight, too. I’m pretty sure my influenza and sweet tea diet is cheaper AND more effective for the short term.

      • 3

        kcduffy said,

        Last May I got sick right after my colonoscopy – took me nearly 3 weeks to be able to eat a regular meal…gotta be more careful about dehydration next time. Lost about 15 pounds. Have regained about 8 of that…but there’s more muscle, because of the hiking.

  2. 4

    swampie said,

    Hunh. Your Colonoscopy Diet sounds WAAAAY more effective than my Sweet Tea and Flu Diet.

    • 5

      kcduffy said,

      True – evidently Coca-Cola and Campbell’s Chicken Noodle Soup aren’t calorie-intensive enough to put weight back on!

      • 6

        swampie said,

        Sounds like a winner to me! Maybe you need to write a diet book! (I would test it out for you except that the whole gluten intolerance thing precludes the noodles. Maybe you can write an alternative diet book for the gluten sensitive–the chicken and rice and Coca Cola diet.

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