So Now I’m Driving a Ford Truck

After SwampMan refused to resuscitate my ol’ vehicle on the grounds that it was just too much of a pain in the ass, I visited my local Chevrolet dealership for a used vehicle. He showed me things that were all carpeted and plush and electronic.

“No, you don’t understand!” I protested. “This will be a working vehicle that will also carry grubby grandchildren eating fast food products. There will be spills and ketchup and crumbs and ice cream. There will be beach trips and fishing trips and trips to the park so carrying dead fish and seashells is inevitable. I’ll also be transporting bales of hay and bags of feed. Oh, and I like manual transmissions better than automatic.” He showed me how the nicely plush seats would fold down into the carpeted floor of the minivan so that I could throw my bales of hay and bags of feed on top of them. AS IF! Obviously the man has never tried to remove hay from carpet.

I was looking for something with roll windows and bench-type seats without nooks and crannies to hide old french fries and no carpeting. As little electronics as possible, because it’s always that fiddly crap that goes haywire and is a pain in the ass to fix. And that manual transmission. Yes, yes, it is really nice to know that I am traveling southeast and the temperature is 98 degrees, but if I were really that interested in the outside temperature I’d stick my arm outside the window, and I can find my direction of travel with a $5 compass or by looking at the road sign that says A1A South.

That was when he told me that “Well, we’d ALL like to return to the 70s!”

I wish I’d gotten his card so I could go back and show him my vehicle. My Ford truck has no carpeting and has rubber floors instead. There’s no headliner to droop. The windows are not electric. It isn’t perfect, of course. I had to compromise because it has an automatic transmission.


1 Response so far »

  1. 1

    no2liberals said,

    Well, the auto tranny isn’t too big of a compromise. The biggest problem is heat, so I HIGHLY recommend you get a tranny cooler and have SwampMan install it. You can get them at a local Auto Zone or Pep Boys, they aren’t expensive and not difficult to install. Ford makes an excellent product.

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