My Day Has Been……Interesting.

My day has been interesting so far. After picking up the grandkids, I fried pancakes and bacon for breakfast. I was fussing at the SwampMan because the sun was well up and the attic was getting hotter by the minute. He was going up there to run a wire. Allegedly.

Well, guess what. He went up there and found that he wouldn’t FIT where he had to run the wire, so he called ME up to do it when the temperature in the attic was juuuuuuuust shy of instant ignition. I do not like having to belly crawl under tight spaces because o’ that ol’ claustrophia thang. I REALLY don’t like knee and belly crawling in tight spaces while balanced on a 2×4 over loose fill fiberglass. And I really, REALLY don’t like doing it when it’s noon in Florida in July. At least if I had spontaneously ignited, I would have had some freakin’ light up there. I was crawling along depending on a flashlight that came from Dollar General.

You might say to yourself “Now, how in the world did SwampMan persuade her to take her fat ass up in the attic?” *sigh* It wasn’t SwampMan. Dylan, the 5-year-old wonder kid, was trying to talk SwampMan into letting HIM go. And SwampMan was saying things like “He probably wouldn’t fall through the roof ceiling if he fell off the rafters.” “Yeah, Papa, I CAN DO IT!”

“Oh, hell no you can’t. Gimme that flashlight.” Yeah, Dylan is SwampMan’s little helper and buddy, but no way.

So, I went up, got the damn wire from the hole in the ceiling waaaay down from the access hole in the garage, and was crawling back toward the panel box.

“Just where do you think you’re going?”

“I’m taking it down to the panel box!”

“No hell you ain’t. Leave it here. I’ll take care of it.”

“I’m already up here, let me just do it!”

“No, you’re gonna screw up. Get down and leave it.”

So, I got down and left it.

I went in to fix Zoe some lunch, and answered the phone. While I was talking on the phone, I glanced over at the table at Zoe. Her head was falling toward the table. “Zoe?” She caught it in time, then sat back in the chair. “I gotta call you back. Zoe’s falling asleep over lunch, and she’s about to fall off the chair.” Zoe considers herself too big to sit in a high chair. Only the regular chairs for regular folk will do. I was able to get her before she hit the floor, and put her in for a nap.

Then I took the opportunity to load the dishwasher, wash the breakfast dishes, and mop the kitchen floor.

SwampMan came in and said “Guess what? I can’t make it to the panel box!” Why didn’t I just go ahead and do what I knew had to be done when I was up there? But nooooooo.

“Meemaw, we’re hungry!”

“Well, y’all are gonna have to wait until the kitchen floor dries. I need to go get some clothes for your sister.”

Somehow I had forgotten to get spare clothes for Zoe, and she’s going to be here until tomorrow night. She had a diaper disaster, and her clothes were washing. Once her shirt and shorts are off, she thinks that her diaper should be off, too, and I was tired of having a little streaker running through the house.

So, off to the store, where I bought some clothes, toys, coloring books, crayons, and sparklers.

When I got back, Zoe was up, and the boys repeated their “We’re starving” chorus as soon as I walked in. I fixed them lunch, fixed their sister another lunch, fixed SwampMan lunch, and settled down with my salad. “Zoe, do you like salad?” I inquired, and gave her one of my tiny little salad leaves.

“WHY are you giving her leaves?” Dylan asked.

“That’s not leaves, that’s spinach!” replied big brother Jacob, a third grade man of the world.

“I don’t care!” said Dylan. “It was outside, and something could have peed on it!”

SwampMan removed the boys from my immediate vicinity and took them up to the school to check on the progress of the painting that was supposed to have been done to his classroom. Zoe stayed with me. She found out that crayons look better than they taste. She found out that MeeMaw really doesn’t like it when she expresses herself through her art, especially when the medium is light colored carpet and a peanut butter and grape jelly sandwich.

I’m itching like crazy from those teensy little fiberglass fibers I haven’t had a chance yet to shower off. Zoe is singing a song and flinging blocks all over the carpet. She also threw her sippy cup of chocolate milk all over the clean kitchen floor. If it would have gone over the carpet, I probably would have sat in a chair and started singing songs and throwing lit matches over the carpet, because there ain’t no savin’ it now.

I guess I better get up from my lunch break. The kitchen floor needs remopping, the blocks need picking up, and I haven’t done my feeding yet.

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6 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    Jenny Haines said,

    ::PPSSSSTTTTT…..::: did you check the bottom of the diaper bag??
    there are 2-3 changes of clothing under the diapers and wipeys…. 🙂 not that she didn’t mind getting more clothing and toys that is…

  2. 2

    swampie said,

    She told me this evening bye bye mama, which I took meant that she was ready to blow this joint and GO HOME. She got mad at dinner and threw her plate of food on the carpet. She’s very sleepy and clinging to Jacob.

    Oh, and by the way, there’s now grape juice all over the blue carpet. I do hope it will shampoo out, but I have my doubts.

    • 3

      Jenny Haines said,

      blue carpet is over rated. Maybe she was trying to help by dying it purple…..

      • 4

        swampie said,

        Hey, that Tuff Stuff for automobile carpeting/seats is The Shit. I forgot to show you where it turned the grape juice stain from Deep Purple to a kind of wimpy blue. I *highly* recommend you keep a can of it in the car for emergency applications to the carpet/seating.

      • 5

        no2liberals said,

        I’ve used Tuff Stuff for years because it works.

      • 6

        swampie said,

        They could run commercials for that by following Zoe around the house with her sippy cup and spraying the spills. Yeah, I know sippy cups *aren’t* supposed to spill, but somehow she manages. Pulling the tops off is what does it.


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