I thought I had the whole kid thing relatively under control this morning. I had the kitchen floor swept, mopped, and dishes washed by lunch. The floor had undergone its first vacuuming. The appropriate livestock and pets had been given their morning food.
Then it was time for lunch. Everybody wanted something different. I fixed three different lunches and SwampMan wanted something else. I had to run to the grocery store. No problem. I put Zoe down for her nap hoping that I’d have time to get the groceries and make it back in time to do some feeding before she woke up.
I had to wait in the parking lot of Winn Dixie until the huge thunderstorm stopped, ran inside to do some grocery shopping, and ran home. Zoe was awake. I fixed SwampMan his lunch. Dylan wanted some of his lunch. So did Zoe. By the time I cleaned up, it was waaay past time to feed. I ran outside to do some feeding, and was back inside after 7 p.m. Jacob reminded me that it was time to clean his caterpillar’s cage. Zoe and the boys needed a bath. And I hadn’t started dinner yet.
By 8 p.m., the chicken was boiling and Zoe was splashing vigorously in the tub. Somehow I could hear the chicken cook over all the way down the hall while the people that were sitting right next to it couldn’t hear it at all. We finally got finished with the bath, I sent the boys in, and started deboning and skinning the chicken for the creole chicken over rice I was making. I turned around and caught Zoe running off with a bowl of chicken skin destined for Puppy’s dinner along with a pound of chicken livers. Aaaaaaargh! I retrieved the chicken skin and was furiously hurrying to get the chicken finished with my back to her. When I turned around, she had upended the boys’ Legos. There were Legos EVERYWHERE. Why did I ever buy Legos? The boys had not put them out of reach. They finished their bath and came running out nekkid demanding their underwear. “Hey, I told y’all to get your clean clothes before you went to take a bath!”
“Well, where are they?” they demanded.
“I DON’T KNOW! THAT’S WHY I TOLD YOU TO GET THEM!”
“Oh. Well, maybe they’re in our bag.”
Then they had to pick up seven thousand Legos.
After serving everybody dinner, I finally sat down to eat mine.
“MeeMaw, we’re finished! Can we have cake?”
Breathebreathebreathebreathe. “Not until I get a chance to EAT MY DINNER!”
“Okay. Can we have cake now?”
Breathebreathebreathebreathe. Cutting cake. Putting it on table. Returning to dinner. Almost got into a sitting position this time.
“MeeMaw, that was really good cake. Can we have more?”
“And while you’re up, I’ll have some cake and more tea.”
At 11 p.m., I took some scraps out to the dog, fed Momma kitty, and came back inside for the chicken livers that I had purchased for the dog to go with his dinner. They had vanished, but Zoe had gotten into my warranty drawer and had warranties scattered and torn all over the floor during the 60 seconds or less I was outside. SwampMan was in bed. The boys were paying absolutely no attention.
I put Zoe to bed, and have been through a toybox, my warranty drawer, pots and pans, her bookshelf, and I even checked the oven to see if I had accidentally put it back in with the cake. Nothin’. The dishwasher is loaded. I decided to give it up and go to bed. I walked into the bathroom.
The floor is covered in water. The sink is covered with toothpaste. The floor has wet clothes slung all over it. There are a handful of Legos on the floor, a torn magazine, and the toilet brush is flung behind the door, a sure sign Hurricane Zoe had been there. I checked for chicken livers. No sign of ’em. In a day or two, my nose will sniff out their hiding place. I hope.
So at 12:45 a.m., I loaded the washing machine and threw in wet kid clothes. The dishwasher is washing. I still have some dishes to wash but I’m throwing in the dish towel, as it were. I was hoping to be in bed by 1 a.m. but now Zoe is awake. Hmmmmmm.
I still haven’t been able to figure out when and where to fit in some part-time work in order to pay for my trip to KC in four weeks. I need to get rid of a lot of my livestock in that period of time, too, because I don’t have anybody to take care of ’em.
How am I going to be able to convince somebody to hire me, though, when I can’t even keep up with a package of chicken livers?
UPDATE: 7 a.m. Still no chicken livers.
UPDATE UPDATE: 8:30 a.m. Chicken livers still invisible.