Archive for July 18, 2012

More Anatomy Lessons From Dylan

“MeeMaw, Zoe has a bump on her lip.”

“Oh, my goodness? Did she fall down and get hurt?” I queried, for Dylan is a bit ambivalent still about his little sister and tends to be quite rough with her. If she fell down and got hurt, she probably had assistance.

“No, that’s left over from when she was a baby in Mommy’s tummy.”

I’m stymied, as I often am with Dylan’s utterances. “What do you mean?”

“It’s left over from when she was a baby in Mommy’s tummy. It was how she was able to drink milk in there.”

“Oh? How does the baby drink milk in there?”

“Through the belly button.”

I see that Mommy has explained how a child gets nutrition while in utero. I don’t think that she knows that Dylan filled in the blanks with his own explanations, though.

“Really? So how does that work?”

“A tube goes through the belly button inside the mommy and attaches to the baby’s lip. That little bump is what is left over after the tube comes off.”

“I see!” I replied. “But where does the milk come from?”

“I’m not allowed to say that word anymore, MeeMaw. But trust me, it’s really gross. It’s private parts.” Holy misconceptions, BatMan! Say WHAT?

“Um, Dylan, maybe you better tell me so that I can set the record straight.”

“No, MeeMaw, I can’t say that word anymore.”

Dylan has quite a collection of words that he’s picked up from the kids in the neighborhood that he’s not allowed to say anymore. There’s the “n” word that the black kids toss back and forth at each other that he picked up that earned him a bottom warming. There’s the “MF” word that the older boys toss back and forth. Then there’s Dylan that combined the terms at the top of his lungs in his front yard when some of the black kids said he was too little to go play with them (which he was). Dylan has some *very* impressive lung power. He REALLY got it that time. So I was a little scared at what term that he used that got him in so much trouble that he wouldn’t even whisper it.

“Uh, maybe you better show me, then!” I advised, so that I could set him straight as to where milk comes from. When he was younger, he told me that babies drink from the Mommy’s neck.

He pointed to his chest. “Oh, you mean breast?”

“Yeah, that’s it, the tube is connected to a breast and then through the belly button and to the baby’s mouth and then, when the baby gets bigger, it gets a bottle.”

I remember now the biggest spanking ever that Dylan got. He was at daycare, or maybe it was preschool, and had learned the word “nipple”. He raised up his shirt to a little girl and yelled “See my nipples? Where’s yours?” or something to that effect, and got reported for sexual harrassment. Actually, it may have been more like “Show me your nipples!” No wonder he doesn’t want to ever say that word again until he’s old enough to get into a strip bar gentlemen’s club! After all, if That Word was bad enough to get a hard, HARD spanking from Daddy, how would MeeMaw the Terrible react?

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