My Culinary Expertise?

After doing all the usual chores this evening, I came inside and unloaded the dishwasher. I was actually putting the last item away when I happened to actually look at it. It was dirty. Apparently, I hadn’t actually turned the dishwasher on when I loaded it the night before during the Presidential debate. Have you ever been so tired before that you hadn’t noticed that you were putting away dirty dishes? Me either! I quickly grabbed glasses and plates and silverware and loaded it all back into the dishwasher and turned it on.

I had grabbed a rotisserie chicken from the grocery store on the way home from work this evening, planning on pulling off the meat and making quick chicken and rice for dinner. SwampMan put an end to that REAL quick as he did not consider grocery store rotisserie chicken to be edible.

I considered my options. The rotisserie chicken did not have a butthole, so I could not serve him that over rice. I couldn’t yell because my throat was a little sore from screaming “BULLSHIT!” at the television during the debate last night. In the end, I just calmly fixed him something else. He will be taking me out for dinner tomorrow night. I guarantee it.

I served SwampMan his dinner in his Lazy Chair while he was watching YouTube on his computer. He said “You know, I continually marvel at your level of culinary expertise!”

WTF? I looked at him suspiciously. “WHAT culinary expertise? It’s hamburgers!”

“Yeah, but you have green stuff with yellow stuff on top…..”

“That would be fresh spinach sauteed in butter with cheese grated on top.”

“See what I mean? And it’s delicious, too. AND you made guacamole that is JUST amazing. You just open the refrigerator, grab things, and BAM! Some great combination that tastes wonderful appears.”

“Oh! Thanks!”

“Yeah, that stuff that you made last night was sooooooo good. What was it?”

“I had a little left over ground beef, so I browned it with onions, drained it, and mixed it with salsa and jalapenos and cheese, and made some rice with turmeric and cumin, then dumped the hamburger stuff over the top of it.”

“Did you have a recipe?”

“Nah. Just some leftover stuff.”

“See how amazing you are?”

I looked at him sceptically. The stuff was getting DEEP. I wondered whether I looked as though I might be the sort of woman that was about ready to administer those hamburgers rectally. Maybe, because he hadn’t mentioned how yummy last night’s dinner was during the debate, but he’d been busily screaming at the television, too.

Then he continued. “In fact, there’s really only one complaint that I have about dinner.”

“Which is?”

“The onions you sliced for my hamburgers. You didn’t chop them into small enough pieces.”

“I figured you were man enough to handle it!” I replied.

“Well, I was just sayin’. I don’t want you to feel bad about being just that little bit short of perfection, though.”

“I will NOT be losing ANY sleep over it!” I advised him.

He grinned. “Yeah, I didn’t think so.”

Oh, yeah. He’s definitely buying dinner tomorrow night.

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10 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    no2liberals said,

    Tell that boy you want some Armadillo eggs.

  2. 2

    nuke said,

    “See how amazing you are?”

    Now that kind of praise ought to be worth something!

  3. 4

    no2liberals said,

    Where’s Swampie?
    Did she drive to Houston or go into a food coma?

    • 5

      swampie said,

      I gave up the time I was going to take off for a mammogram in order to take care of the daughter’s kids while she and hubby went out of town for their anniversary and to attend a wedding. On Saturday evening, I took them to their cousin’s (oldest granddaughter’s) birthday party. I had my new jacket in the truck, and put it over the back of the seat. Today I had to go search down the exact location of the Jacksonville bus station that I need to get my lil’ brother to early Tuesday morning while Mom gets an emergency melanoma surgery up in a Georgia hospital at the same time. I am worried sick about that, and there’s absolutely no parking at the bus station, so I’m concerned about THAT, too.

      I had to run to the grocery store to pick up a few items (like milk) for Monday morning. I have $20 in the bank to last me until Wednesday afternoon (payday). It was chilly, so I reached for my jacket….which wasn’t there. One of the boys had kicked it out of the truck getting in or out at the party, and I didn’t notice it in the dark. I tried and tried to call about it, but nobody is answering the phone.

      The funny thing is that I’ve kept it together, pretty much, about my mom’s additional medical problems and pay cuts and spending about $300 more per pay period than I bring in thanks to the high cost of gasoline, food, and livestock feed, but the loss of that jacket had me in tears. I can’t wear a sweatshirt to work. I used a gift card last year to buy that jacket on clearance and had only worn it before school this week. Guess I’ll just be cold.

  4. 7

    swampie said,

    Yep. I was really upset with myself for getting all upset about a jacket until I realized that it wasn’t the jacket. I’m furious at the economy and LIVID at Obama for betraying Americans AGAIN. I’m worried sick about my mom. I’m worried that we’re getting too damn close to retirement age and can’t save anything. There’s so much that I need to do and no time to do it.

    One day I’m going to be under my desk in the fetal position.

  5. 9

    swampie said,

    Heh. Guess the kids better watch out for me today then, hunh?


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