Archive for January 20, 2013

Nekkid Phone Pictures

Some of the kids were having trouble with an English assignment in a workbook. “Write two examples of things that are different between your parents’ generation and your generation.”

“What’s my generation?”

“All the people that were born about the same time as you and are about your age.”

“Oh. So what’s my parents’ generation?”

“Uh, all the people that were born about the same time as your parents and are about your parents’ ages.”

“My parents are REALLY old. They were born in like the 1970s.”

“My goodness. Did they even have electricity back then?”

“I think so. We don’t really talk, though.”


“Okay, here’s an example. Do you have a cell phone?”

(Eyeroll at stupid adult question.) “Yeaaaaaaah.” The “duh” was left unspoken. This time.

“Did your PARENTS have cell phones when they were your age?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Well, there’s a difference between generations, then!”

And here’s something different between generations, too. Pubescent and prepubescent girls (and some boys) were not taking nekkid and frankly pornographic pictures of themselves and sending it on their phones to their boyfriends/girlfriends who they are going to luv 4-EVER (or at least for this week). Then they break up. Boy or girl, angry, shows all the nekkid pictures to his/her friends. They may even post it online. If you knew how often this happens, you probably wouldn’t let your kids have phones. If you know how often this results in suicide attempts, you would not let your kids have phones. *sigh* But this never crosses the minds of parents and grandparents because this is something that didn’t happen in their generation because the technology was not there.

“So, Swampie”, you may ask, “What interest could you possibly have in this matter because your kids are all safely grown up?”

Well, guess what? If a kid shows off his/her nasty pictures on his/her phone at school, even before or after school, guess who is to blame? People that work at the school who have no idea what is going on or who the kids are, that’s who. You probably thought it was the kid or the parent that failed to provide proper phone and camera etiquette, such as no taking/forwarding pictures of naughty bits.

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Somebody Unfriended Me?

I keep seeing ads popping up around the internet that three people have unfriended me. It is always three people. This occurs several times a day.

By this time, I probably should be concerned at the number of friends I have lost, but (a) I never had that many thousands of friends to begin with, (b) I don’t have a Facebook account which is where I believe those friends are allegedly disappearing from, and (c) I’m not some emo middle school girl that cares.

What sort of emotionally fragile person is targeted by those ads? Are there actual (functioning) adults that care about this shit?

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Somebody’s Callin’ My Name

I was out feeding the livestock last night, hurrying, because it was twilight and I was nowhere near finished. I clearly heard “SWAMPIE!” being shouted from towards the house in a deep male voice.

“WHAT?” I bellowed back, annoyed. I’m fast runnin’ out of twilight. I looked at the sun slipping below the horizon. I only had a few minutes left until total dark.

“SWAMPIE!” The call repeated. Sounded like it was from the porch. The porch was dark. I couldn’t see whether SwampMan was standing there.


No answer. Maybe he couldn’t hear me. Or maybe he figured that now was not the time to ask about dinner.

Then I started getting worried. What if there was an emergency and somebody had been carried away in an ambulance and SwampMan was back inside getting ready to go? What if it was a grandkid? Ohmygawd NO! I dropped the feed and ran to the door and burst inside. “WHAT’S WRONG!” I bellowed as I slammed open the door.

SwampMan, until that moment, had been peacefully napping on his chair. He startled upright and nearly fell out of his huge recliner. “Hunh? Whuzzit?” His eyes were now wide open but somewhat unfocused.

“Um, I thought I heard you calling me while I was out in the pasture, so I ran in to see what was wrong.”

“What? No. I was sleeping. I didn’t call you!”

Hunh. I left poor SwampMan scared awake in his chair and went back outside to finish feeding.

Wonder what THAT was all about. If the grim reaper was callin’, I had too much to do. If it was an angel of the Lord, he better appear in a burning bush or something because I don’t get subtle. Maybe it was the dog. I hadn’t fed him yet.

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Newly Addicted to Coffee

I’ve never really liked coffee. Sure, the smell is divine, but the taste not so much. Then, while working at the elementary school in the winter, a colleague (with lots of spare cash!) would bring in Starbucks for everybody. Mocha lattes. Pumpkin spice lattes. Gingerbread lattes. It was an occasional indulgence, and I grew to really like them to the point where I was actually going out after work every couple of weeks and spending $5 of my own money on a cup of coffee. Madness. Luckily warm weather came back, and I decided that spending $1 on sweet tea on the way home was a better use of my (limited) funds.

This winter, at another school, there were no well-heeled collagues to bring in Starbucks for their lesser-moneyed friends. Then Mom got the sudden, fast-growing cancer and spent a lot of time in a Georgia hospital. My lil’ bro’ and I spent a lot of time there, too. And it had a Starbucks. And it was good. The addiction might have gone away again except that when we brought Mom home from her operations, we stayed up late and got up early in case she needed any assistance. The coffee was made 24/7.

“Hey, Swampie, coffee’s ready!” my brother informed me.

“You know, I really don’t like coffee. I’ll pass.”

“I thought you really liked those Starbucks coffees with the flavoring.”

“Well, I do! I just don’t like plain coffee.”

“I’ve got pumpkin spice creamer, Almond Joy creamer, peppermint mocha creamer, and caramel machiatto. I wasn’t sure which one you wanted. So you have to drink it because I sure as hell can’t drink it all!” True, true. Mom just takes a little cream in her coffee.

I tried it and it was GOOD. When I got back home, I bought my own coffee maker. Now I pour about 5 cups of coffee (and lots of flavored creamer*!) into a mug before I go to work in the morning when it is cold outside. That’s after drinking a cup before I go outside to feed in order to prewarm my insides.

When warm weather returns, I’ll trade in the giant mug of coffee in the morning for iced sweet tea. I think.

*The prepared creamers that I use are made of real ingredients such as milk and sugar and spices, NOT soybean oil or cottonseed oil like some of them. I also make my own from recipes on the net.

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