Archive for March 14, 2013

My Protectors

An acquaintance heard the rumor that I might not be working, so she dropped by in the middle of the day to check the veracity of that particular rumor. She parked outside the gate and called my house. She was astonished when I answered.

“I heard that you weren’t working, and I can’t believe it! I’m right outside your gate! Can I come in?”

“I was running around the house frantically searching for my purse and keys because I have to hit the feed store. Gimme a second, and I’ll be right out!”

Once I got outside to the gate, I explained. “I didn’t want you walking in, because Puppy likes to jump on people.” At that point Puppy, who had been sleeping, came trotting up.

“Holy cow, that’s the biggest German Shepherd I’ve ever seen! If he came up to me inside the gate, I would have passed slap out!” Puppy eyed her. He didn’t make any aggressive moves, but lay down at the fence so he could keep an eye on her.

We talked for a little while. She had to get home, I had to get to the feed store but, as we were speaking, Thanksgiving came ambling up the driveway to see what I was doing outside the fence.

“Is that a TURKEY?”

“Yeah, that’s Thanksgiving. SwampMan wouldn’t kill him for Thanksgiving because he got too fond of him, and now he follows me everywhere as my self-appointed guardian. I couldn’t eat him now, either.”

“He’s really big, too!”

Thanksgiving eyed her suspiciously through the fence. He made angry turkey noises at her. I believe he was inviting her inside so he could kick her ass properly. Luckily she doesn’t speak turkey. “Well, aren’t YOU the pretty one!” He looked at me and made chirping noises, urging me to step inside away from this stranger.

“It was so nice to see you. I’m glad that you left that place! You stayed waaaaay too long!”

“When you come back, call me so that I can meet you at the gate! Don’t come in if I don’t answer the phone.”

“Trust me. I am NOT going inside by myself!”

That’s a good thing. I don’t think our homeowner’s insurance covers attacks by turkeys.

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Announcing a New Detective Paco and Wronwright Adventure

There’s a new Detective Paco and Wronwright adventure up at Paco Enterprises.

Here’s an appetizer:

“Take a gander at this.” I produced a circular showing a mug shot of Soto and the reward being offered for his capture.

Nick grimaced. “Man, that is one ugly face. What’s that thing on his neck? Looks like a tattoo of a frog.”

I took the circular back from him and put it in my pocket. “That’s not a frog. It’s Janet Napolitano, the head of Homeland Security. He got it when he was released from a federal detention center; kind of a sarcastic tribute. Or maybe an act of defiance.”

“What’s he defying? Good taste?”

Read the rest! It has all the appurtenences of a good detective yarn: A beautiful woman, faithful sidekick, hardened criminal, sleazy politicians (but I repeat myself) and a happy ending. What more could you want? (Hey, he’s not handing out cash, sorry.)

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