Archive for July 2, 2013

I Must Be Psychic For I Can Foresee a Nap in Zoe’s Future

Zoe told me her monkey was hungry. Her bear was hungry. Her mommy duck was hungry. I think you get the drift. She presented every single stuffed animal in the house to me individually and proclaimed their hunger. She put chairs around the kid table in the kitchen to accomodate said stuffed animals. She cried because the stuffed animals had to share chairs, for MeeMaw’s house is not large enough to accomodate 30 chairs in the kitchen. My bad.

Okay, what do all these babies want for lunch? They want butter sandwiches. Not peanut butter. Just plain old butter. There is no reasoning with 2-year-old children about vegetables, protein, and a balanced diet. *sigh* It was either butter sandwiches or a hissy fit. I checked the bread supply. There was one piece left. I cut it in half and made a butter sandwich.

“Mommy duck hungy. Monkey hungy!” she declared angrily.

“Fine. They can eat pretend sandwiches.”

“NO! Monkey want butter!”

“MeeMaw is NOT making 30 butter sandwiches.”

Zoe threw herself on the floor and sobbed angrily declaring “I sad!”

“Zoe is sleepy. Zoe needs a nap.”

“NO! Zoe DEAD!” and Zoe laid silently on the floor.

“Well, if Zoe is dead, I’ll throw the butter sandwich in the trash.”

“NO!” Angry stomp into kitchen. I get the Angry Glare. Then the sandwich is eaten, she drinks her chocolate milk, and her disposition improves.

“MeeMaw, I want Fwug!” she whispers, smiling sweetly.

“Say that again, sweetie?”

“MeeMaw, I want Fwug, pwease.”

“You want frog?”

“Yes! Fwug!” She is quite excited that this MeeMaw adult can understand simple words.

“You want your toy frog?” She has several at home, none at MeeMaw’s.

“NO! I want FWUG!” she threw herself on the carpet sobbing in frustration, no doubt due to the reflection that she was related to somebody so stupid.

The light dawns. “You want LEAPfrog?”

“YES fwug!”

“Okay, let me search Netflix.”

“L”, I say out loud as I type it in.

“E” she says to me before I finish typing in the “L”.

“Yes, ‘E’ comes next!” I tell her.

“A”, she prompts me.

“Right, A!” I confirm, looking at her uneasily. Kid is starting to worry me.

Maybe I’m the one that needs a nap.

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