Archive for September, 2013

Smoke Bombs?

Jacob came running inside yelling for me. “MeeMaw, MeeMaw! We’ve been burning the smoke bombs. Come see them!”

I’d picked up a pot from the dollar store in which their smoke bomb ‘cooking’ was to take place, along with 5 pounds of sugar, so I knew they were making them this morning. I didn’t know that they’d been igniting them without adult supervision, though.

I went outside and SwampMan was looking at the deeply charred and still glowing boards of a wooden bench. The aluminum foil he’d put over it to ‘protect’ it was mostly melted/consumed.

“So, smoke bombs, hunh? What is the melting temperature of aluminum again?” I asked.

“About 1,200 F”, he remarked absentmindedly. “Something must have gone wrong. This is more like thermite.”

“Hmmmmmmm.” Somehow I’m not too surprised when his backyard chemistry goes awry.

“MeeMaw, MeeMaw, LOOK!” Dylan called to me. I ‘accidentally’ lit the smoke bomb on fire upside down, and it exploded the concrete. See my arm?” He showed me a combination scratch/burn. SwampMan got the hairy eyeball. BIG time.

“What? I lit the first one!”

“You mean when you set the bench on fire?”

“Well, yeah.”

“So, what are the other ingredients in that stump buster besides potassium nitrate?”

“I dunno.”

“Hmmmmmmm. Might want to check if it has any magnesium or aluminum.”

I gave them a flowerpot half filled with dirt in order to light the next one. Jacob lit it. The heat was intense. The smoke was moderately impressive. Then they put another one in, and it looked like a volcanic flower pot. The ceramic flowerpot cracked all to hell from the heat and, no, it had no water in it. It had been inside a sheltered shed for several years.

Next week’s project is solid rocket fuel, I believe.

Leave a comment »

I Haz Caps!

I have uppercase letters! I have characters! I can use passwords!

SwampMan DID take me to get a new keyboard. Well, actually, he took me because HE has had nothing but trouble with his wireless mouse and wireless keyboard, so he wanted new ones (with wires). The trip to get my $15.00 keyboard actually ended up costing $75.00. My keyboard had gone up in price to $16.99 on the shelf. The rest of the money went for SwampMan’s purchases.

Leave a comment »

i can’t believe i did that again

i was going to do a trash run. we don’t have garbage pickup, so i gather up all our stuff that needs to go off to the county/garbage/recycling center a couple times a week. you know, empty milk jugs, cans, bottles, jars….i decided to run hop hobble quickly through the house one last time to do a ‘quick’ declutter. snort–there ain’t no such animal as a ‘quick’ declutter at my house. okay, i hobbled quickly as possible through to pick up the easy stuff and throw it away before the grandkids arrive tomorrow.

i knocked that same bare toe on a door frame in the exact same spot with the exact same results. imagine that. it’s swelling even bigger this time. the color is bright red. the pain was of the coyote howling interspersed with creative cursing variety again.

aw, damn. i’m gonna be in clown boots tonight.

i don’t suppose anybody wants to wrap me in a blanket and rock me in a rocking chair, pat my back, and say ‘poor baby’, do you. i didn’t think so.

it must be nice going through life being all coordinated and not knocking appendages against protruding objects. i wouldn’t know about a life like that.

Comments (3) »

progressing from hopping to hobbling

yes, our visitors are gone. it rained the entire time they were here except for monday, which was overcast and coolish but not rainy. i pronounced it perfect beach weather for people with an infant, so swampdaughter, zoe and i took them to little talbot island. it was nearly deserted and wonderful.

no, i have not yet replaced my keyboard, so i can’t use any of my passwords that require a character that is uppercase or contains a capital letter, which would be almost all of them. i can’t sign into my email. i can’t use quotation marks or colons or parenthesis or exclamation points. i can’t do online shopping. aaaaaaaaargh–imagine all caps and exclamation points here. actually, you could just imagine correct punctuation and capitalization all through this and save me the 15 bucks for a new cheap keyboard, but nooooooooo. sigh, that wouldn’t do a thing about my passwords, either. damnit.

‘but swampie’, you may say. ‘why don’t you just get off your lazy butt and go to the store like a normal person’. i would love to, but i had a close encounter of toe to ladder as i was racing barefoot to the dryer monday evening in order to avoid ironing. yes, people, i was actually running through the house to get to the dryer before the clothes wrinkled and, heaven forbid, require ironing. i forgot, as i was running past the ladder, that the ladder’s legs splayed out at the bottom for stabilization purposes. my foot was impacted between my fourth and fifth toes. the fifth toe obligingly bent all sideways under the impact, and the pain was pretty intense. picture me howling like a coyote, clutching my toe, hopping about on one foot like a demented crane, and shouting really, really bad words that will probably keep me out of the higher portions of heaven. yes, indeed, i’ll be doing the equivalent of tossing manure in heaven after that little incident if they deign to let me in at all.

my little toe is still roughly the width of my big toe, but the color has turned from black to a kinda sickly purply bluish. the bruising and swelling extends over to my big toe in the front, and down the side to the middle of the arch. i walk around with my foot turned sideways so that the weight goes onto the base of my big toe with my little toe in the air. i’m able to do my feeding chores outside but not a whole lot else. it takes awhile. the only shoes that i’m able to tolerate are a pair of rubber boots for waaaaaay bigger feet than mine. they look like clown boots. luckily it’s wet and rainy so even somebody in clown boots isn’t too remarkable.

swampman arrived home from work tuesday and asked me whether i would ride to tractor supply with him. ‘um, okay, sure’, i answered. ‘i want to check their price on layer pellets anyway’. we went. i determined their feed price was more than i was currently paying, so i passed. as we were leaving, swampman turned to me and said ‘so, you’ve had a pretty bad week. i’ll take you out anywhere you want for dinner. price is no object.’

‘why didn’t you tell me that plan before’ i asked. ‘i’m wearing stained khaki workpants and clown boots. it really doesn’t matter in tractor supply, but that does limit one’s choices of fine dining establishments versus drive through.’

‘i wanted to be nice and surprise you’ retorted swampman. ‘if i called you in advance and requested that you be wearing clothing that was acceptable for dining out, that wouldn’t be a surprise, now, would it. but, if you really want to hobble around the kitchen, just tell me now.’

hmmmmm. clown boots and stained khakis versus cooking and cleaning the kitchen. lazy struggled with ego and kicked its ass. it was no contest. lazy wins every. single. time.

swampman was all mellow this morning as he drove through the gate that i hobbled down to open for him so he wouldn’t have to climb out of his truck on his way to work. ‘would you still like to go into town to get you a keyboard’ he asked. ‘i’ll drive you tonight.’ hmmmmm. ‘sure’ i agreed eagerly. i was going to try to drive into town today anyway, clown boots and all, to replace it. ‘okay, be ready at the gate this afternoon, and we’ll go to home depot on lenox.’

‘wait, what’ i asked vainly. he had already driven off. i’m not sure whether i’m getting a new keyboard or a new hammer to destroy the old one. dang. maybe i should go today in my clown boots in this wet weather anyway. if the damage wasn’t to my right foot, and if i weren’t a teensy bit concerned about whether i would flinch if i had to stomp on the brakes because somebody did something incredibly stupid on the highway in front of me, i’d already be gone.

Comments (2) »

so sorry….

we have surprise visitors all the way from north dakota. we’re quite happy about it. well, it wasn’t a complete surprise. my mother told me they were coming, my niece, her husband, and their baby. she just told me the wrong month.

my keyboard decided to take this opportunity to quit. oh, it works sporadically, as you can see, but no caps when it does work. why did it work perfectly well one day and not the next…well, who knows. i won’t get a chance to purchase another keyboard for a couple days.

Leave a comment »

From Facebook

putin shoe print on obama's behindI’m not a huge social media fan, but I couldn’t resist reposting this.

Comments (3) »

Democrats are Scum

Their party killed her son. They lied to her about why it happened. They refused to tell her what happened. And they walked out of the room when she testified about it.

And the MSM didn’t cover it. As per usual. I want to know what happened to her son. I want to know why he was killed. I want to know who made the stand down order. I want to know why Obama is arming the people that killed our people in Benghazi. I want to know why their security was deliberately decreased before they were killed. I have a lot of questions, and I’m not going ANYWHERE. Neither is she.

If nothing illegal was happening, why the big cover up?

Leave a comment »

Friday Music Videos

I just realized that it has been quite some time since I posted some of my music videos that are far, far removed from the mainstream. Fellow nerds, this is for you.

Leave a comment »

Time to Pillage Home Depot, Me Hearties!

Damnit, I can’t find a goodly wench shirt, skirt, and petticoats. Or a pirate hat. Or even a sash. The best I can do for a sword is a well-used machete. You know, my wardrobe has gone straight to hell in the last few years.

Looks like I will have to pillage and loot Home Depot in my regular outfit of jeans and a T-shirt.

It just ain’t the same.

Leave a comment »

Aaaaaaaaaaar! Time to Pillage Krispy Kreme!

In honor of Talk Like a Pirate Day, Krispy Kreme Doughnuts will be giving away booty for the pirate mouthed, and a full dozen delicious KK doughnuts for those in full pirate regalia! Check the website to make sure that your Krispy Kreme is participating. It’s so embarrassing to be arrested for unauthorized looting.

Sigh. I’d be menacing the other customers at SWORD POINT for those calorie-laden pieces of heaven if I hadn’t suddenly turned gluten intolerant. Rice doughnuts just don’t have the same appeal.

Leave a comment »